Sighs… It’s been 2 months. 2 months! Wiseman, your New Years Resolution should be to write at least once a week on here. Since the blog moved home from the old MSN site, I’ve just not been as motivated to write, which is my own fault, as much has happened and is going undocumented.
So, self flagellation over and done with, what’s new? The year is nearly gone again, and this year has vanished like a Theo Walcott pass, unmemorable and generally missing its mark! On saying that, the last few weeks have certainly provided a musical end to the year. Deep Purple, Stone Sour, Papa Roach and Saxon all have managed to pass through locally, not forgetting Theapy? of course, who seem to visit The Netherlands regularly. Saxon were excellent, as were Therapy, Roach and Sour both very good, and Purple, well, they seemed very much to just be going through the motions. Esther enjoyed them, but I guess I’ve always been an awkward bugger and invariably find issues one way or another.
Jack has turned 10, double figures, which just seems unthinkable. It’ll be 10 years in 2 months since i was last over there. It floats across my mind more and more that communication via here is soon going to be something he can instigate himself as and when he feels like it. I wonder how that will progress. Given my track record with anyone constituting family… I have reason to be worried. Speaking of family, I suppose it’s wrong when wrapping up a year to not mention the death of Mother. I guess the positive to come out of that is seeing how Heidi-Rose coped with everything thrown at her, both during and after the events. She’s strong. It showed. I’m not easily impressed but, her courage and self restraint afterwards, merits acknowledgement. For myself, I thought maybe there were bridges built between Andrew, Lois, and me, but it would seem that was erroneous. I have extended the arm of communication and it has been left to dangle and fester. Having done so before, a few times, I think, with the link of parentage gone, complete tie cutting is the only real way to not allow myself to throw energy at the situation. They have no interest in me, which is fine. Andrew was my proper “big brother” while i was a child, but I suppose that is a lifetime away. Dog walking, occasional jogging before school, and then school trips, all happened before I turned 7. From then on, there are no real memories to call on. Certainly no positive ones. You can only knock a certain amount of times before you realise there’s no-one in.
And Iain, Hamish and Su? Not much has changed. Not spoken with either Su or Iain this year, which seems to have done me no harm at all. The longer I stay unconnected with them, the less inclined I am to alter that. And Hamish? The time before mums funeral and the wake, they were very much like how we can be as brothers, but then something invariably comes along and kills any respect I regain for him. It’s a shame, but it is how it is. I’m not good at doing things I’m supposed to do. I’m supposed / expected to love my family, and though many a time I’ve put myself out / forgotten stuff i should really carry with me, I simply can’t love people I don’t like.
Which brings me nicely on to Monday. Monday was the anniversary of Esther’s Grandparents wedding. 65 years! Going to support her actually turned out quite ok! It’s been over 2 years since I last clapped eyes on her mother or sister, and i still find it amazing that, my sister, who lives in Sweden, has driven round here and physically been through the door more than any of Esther’s family after our initial first day when we moved in, the exception being her brother Jon who catsits occasionally! Her brother-in-law took time out to chat, which was cool, and the feedback was, the grandparents were pleased we were both there. Has to be a good thing! My dutch is still not good enough for me to communicate with them but… the effort put in to go spend time with them was acknowledged, although, to me, it’s not an effort, it’s just the right thing to do. I’m not sure I’ll ever get how friendships and family works here.
So what HAVE I gleaned from this last year in sunny Holland? I’ve doubtless picked up more Dutch, mostly by osmosis, but also by taking a little time out for different learning applications. Having also put in a little effort I dropped a good 10lbs, only to then put it back on again, courtesy of the weights bench! Benchpressing my own body-weight is somewhat easier now, mostly because I can actually do it.. lol I’m probably physically stronger than I’ve ever been, which, although not saying too much, I’m happy with as 40 is around the corner. I’m more confident now with my friends here i think. 5 years of exposure has maybe mellowed everyone’s idiosyncrasies, myself included. It bothers me that contact with my old brit mates seems to be waning, especially Tony and Mike, who were far more like brothers than the afore mentioned Wiseman clan, but what can I do? 500 miles and maybe 2 meetings a year, you can’t really maintain a close friendship like that. In truth, it’s a little too much like Esther’s version of how her friends are with her, and I really don’t like that idea at all.
Ah, the lady herself is home.. so I guess I’ll have to wrap this up for now. Note to self.. STOP NEGLECTING THE BLOG! lol
Next topic… i think.. should be an old fashioned rant about something! American Gun Laws in the light of the school shootings I think! So.. until then…
Live long and prosper!