Was pleased to get a text today simply saying Happy Fathers Day. I assume it was from Glenda otherwise I may be in trouble! hehe!
Went out yesterday intending on just letting off a little bit of steam and wound up being out way too late. Bad me! Had fun though, waffling to Denny, his brother, and Karen about all things odd! It is nice to be able to talk in English with people over here in an environment where by I don’t feel guilty at not using the local language. Sounds silly but it’s true.
Finding out my mate is talking about getting divorced, i took time out to look at the stats again and things really don’t look good for marriages in general! I guess if Es and me are to remain Es and me (refusing to put Es and I!! lol) we have to become almost statistical anomalies. My family is hardly a great example, Dad divorced twice, Mum once, and 4 other divorces in the immediate family. I was reading too about humans as a species from an articleHereand how human nature is disregarded at your peril. This is something I’ve said about for ages. If you acknowledge that something can effect you, it is easier to prepare for it, then deal with it.
But.. what do you do when it comes to something like marriage? If you know that the chances are, you will divorce, (and if you believe the stat thrown about which says 1 in 2 do then you don’t need to be a maths genius to work out the probability… especially if both parties have not been divorced before), then why enter into a marriage in the first place? It’s a curious question and very valid. In truth I don’t know the answer, but being married I can speculate I suppose. I think part of it is security. There is something about the institution of marriage which gives a stability to people. The one person knows that there is always another who will be there for them, or at least, that is the idea. And, as with other types of jobs, we sign a contract accordingly! However, to continue the job analogy as so often happens once the security of a contract is signed, or if boredom within the job sets in, or indeed if another offer of a better job comes along, the contract becomes almost irrelevant, In fact, not unlike football transfers, all a contract does is allow for the compensation of harmed parties before transfer of "ownership" is passed on. And in all fairness, anyone who "loves" someone (and i use quotes for that because i tend to question "love" as a descriptive given its lack of parameters) would surely wish the best for them, and would forgo their own wants in order to not stand in the way of the other moving onwards and upwards.
I think wishful thinking plays a part too. Some people just know that the partner will be moving on and maybe subconsiously try and trap them / make it more difficult for them to leave. People want things to work though, and as long as both people want something enough, it’s mightily difficult to get in the way of that. However, peoples wants change. I refuse to use the word "needs" in any of this. The only "need" involved in the whole thing is biological. The need to pass on your genes! But, as i say, peoples wants change. Be that through maturity, through self esteem issues, where by someone suffering will take something, rather than live with nothing, only to find as their self esteem improves, what they then want out of a relationship, is more than what they initially settled for with the person they’re with in the now.
Of course there is a problem with this in that you can quite easily create a self fulfilling prophecy, and actually sabotage a relationship by forever thinking that it is going to die. Tis almost a guaranteed way to do so! I suppose that is why the expression "Healthy amount of scepticism", contains the word "Healthy"! Overdoing anything is dangerous. Tis again tied in with self esteem I think, although, in some cases when it is so obvious someone will move on that obviously plays no part, although living that way can’t be good for you.
So what conclusions did I draw at the end of this? Actually not that many really. I guess what’s in your hands is in your hands, and what’s not, you can only accept, deal with, and if called for, move on. And suddenly I’m back thinking about it being Fathers Day again, and how I’ve dealt with that. I think the ability to make myself hard enough emotionally to deal with pretty much anything was probably something I learnt when I was very small indeed. Has it made me a better person? Debatable! Has it allowed me to still be relatively sane and still in the land of the living? Quite possibly. Does it give me the confidence to deal with what’s to come, irrespective of what that is? Yes, I think so. And that can’t be a bad thing, because I know I can rely on me! I’ve trusted me with me for some time now, and as I sat here typing this I can look around me and think : "What’s not been in my hands is beyond my control, be it my not having spent more than 10 days with Jack in nearly 7 years, or the Deb abortion, or many other things, but when something has been within my ability to grasp, generally I’ve made the right decision and done all I could, and had the courage to put myself in positions whereby it requires trust in myself in order to survive and actually live."