Old Woyano Blog entry

This was written last year for a site… but am slinging it here now too, as a lovely back up!

It’s that time of year again. The time
kids look forward to it, cos of the presents, the single adult males
cos of the lasses in Santa suits and stockings, and the banks because
they know parents everywhere will buy things they can’t afford so their
kids don’t feel like crap when they go back to school and have to say
they got an atari 2600 instead of a playstation 3! Oh yes, a time of
joy indeed. But… lets look at it again, from a different perspective.

I
remember last year, there was a teacher in the uk, fired from her job,
for telling the kids there that Santa wasn’t real. Fired! Dismissed.
Livelihood gone. And what for? Telling the truth! These were not 5 year
olds either. They were 9! So… in teaching the kids about the real
world, rather than going along with the lies and deception peddled by
these children’s parents, this person was punished. The parents of the
kids involved were obviously outraged that this teacher could have said
such a thing to their vulnerable babies. And why shouldn’t they be?
They’d rather that their children discovered for themselves the
silliness of the idea and then chastise themselves on their own
gullibility, rather than have it pointed out to them that their parents
have lied to them all their lives about what they perceive as the
happiest time of their lives each year, while quietly laughing at them
with other adults, cloaked in superiority. What happens when you find
the only people you thought you could trust unequivocally… turn into
tricksters and deceivers?

Interestingly…. it would appear what
happens is, kids hit the bottle and hard drugs, and then start
ravishing each other! Starrman’s dazzling topic entitled "Having
children", cites that, "As many as one in 20 children aged 10 and 11
admitted taking part in a heavy drinking session in the past four
weeks", presumably some neglected to reveal their own involvement, so
that makes for quite a startling statistic. Kids are far from stupid,
and having just found out that the presents don’t actually magically
appear, they then have to think about where they DO come from. The
thought process may well go something like this.. "1 : Dad / mum
doesn’t make enough money to be able to afford this cos they’re always
arguing about money. 2: Yet i do have this. 3 : they bought me
something they can’t afford, and are arguing still about money. 4 : Its
my fault they are arguing." Kids look for reasons,  and being kids,
often don’t understand certain realities, so therefore attribute blame
for things to themselves, and then carry the guilt. This effects self
esteem, which in turn leads to alcohol and so on.

But wait, lets
move back to the Santa mythos. I remember as a kid, my parents (who
were, and one still is, religious nut jobs, and i do mean complete
fruit bats!) lynched me for using the expression Xmas. They claimed
that people who did that were "Taking The Christ out of Christmas", and
that was after all what Christmas was intrinsically all about. What
with all the symbolism i asked what i thought was a pertinent question.
"Don’t you think it’s odd that Santa is an anagram of Satan?" I got in
trouble for that! However, the Santa tradition had been maintained,
right down to the leaving out of a couple of mince pies and a glass of
sherry next to the chimney for Santa to enjoy after his delivery, for
all the years i remember as a child. In fact if i close my eyes I can
still see the old fireplace!

Curiously, it is illegal to eat
mincepies in the uk as a certain Mr Cromwell banned them many moons
ago. So, Santa, besides breaking and entering, is also committing an
offence, (which in fairness is pretty much thrust upon him by the house
owner), by eating the pies left for him in every house. Not just this,
however, there is far worse to come. Consider the sherry. With a world
population of 66,762,290,000 which, if we divide that by 4 to get the
average number of households… = 16,690,572,500 glasses of sherry in
one night, split over 24 hour and 39 time zones. Thats impressive
amounts of drinking, even for a guy who grew up in a working mans town
like Crewe! No wonder Santa is portrayed as fat! Yet this person,
obese, binge drinking, law breaking, drunk driving as he is, is
idolised by kids across the globe. An impressive role model indeed and
one capable of creating quite an impression! Right up until a teacher,
who should really be the role model, tells the kids he’s just
fictitious, and gets fired for it. Which sets up another good example
of how the world works!

Of course, Santa’s lack of
abstemiousness will be dismissed as silliness, but i can’t help but
wonder if some of this does indeed permeate into the psyche of the next
generation. The Christmas mythos itself has Jesus turning water into
wine in copious amounts at a wedding. And i do mean copious! After all
of the wine that was ready and prepared was drunk, which we have to
assume will have been roughly estimated as enough to cover the guests,
Jesus produces another 180 gallons! That might not mean much to some
people, so i’ll convert it into real money : 1440 pints, or 818 litres!
On top of what was already drunk, which ostensibly has to be 2, 3, or
more times more in quantity than the final top up the big J C lavishes
on his guests. Again, another shining example for our children, and
this one more often than not, is not cancelled out by a teacher doing
their job, but in fact is propagated by them!

Do I have a
solution? No! I merely wish to out this… this… perhaps
unintentional, but nevertheless, Hideous subliminal we thrust upon the
younger generation at this time of year.  What you do with this news is
your own business. My work here is done!

Ho ho humbug!

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