sandwich, and listening to Esther making cake in the kitchen, my mind
wandered. I’m 33, and the thought, "I’m going to die someday" trundled
along out of nowhere, and slapped me about the face with almost the
same effect as a haddock to the head might induce. I believe, when we
die, we die. Thats it. The end of us. No afterlife. No reincarnation
(with or without government approval.. lol). No heaven or hell. Just a
cessation of being. I don’t much like the idea of ceasing to be. Yet,
we all will, at some stage, have to face up to the reality that this IS
going to happen to us.
Then my mind wanders again. I had a text
this morning from my son’s mum. Things are not going as she planned
following a recent change of location and in turn this means my wee one
is affected by the situation, through no fault of his own. And then the
two thoughts cross paths.
A child is brought into this world by
two people, and is in turn, both born, and given a death sentence
without any input, any asking, not so much as a "by-your-leave". This
child, come adult, will have to live it’s life knowing that it will
end. And that he/she was given no choice about this, and indeed can
only alter one of the parameters of this equation, albeit with that
alteration bringing the onset of death along earlier than nature
And so, the thought process continues on. To have done
something, which will inevitably result in the death of a person, and
that something is solely yours and your partners responsibility, and to
openly admit to having done it, even planned it, and executed it, would
in all other cases wind you up in a prison cell for life. Usually its
How often do people say, "We’re trying to get
pregnant"? They WANT to do this, create something which will then
inexorably have death creeping towards it from day one. I believe the
legal term used when something is demonstrably planned beforehand, is
"Preconceived". Interesting word. And ironically accurate in this case.
does all this mean? "Maybe I have watched Boston Legal one too many
times", says Esther, as I tell her that I think it has to be possible
to have legal grounds to hypothetically sue my parents for my
premeditated murder! Maybe I have, but that doesn’t detract from the
fact that, all the boxes can be ticked, and due to my mortality, my
fate is sealed. I will die, and it is their fault.
And so.. what
of the future? I know a family has been discussed by me and Esther in
our future, yet morally, can I justify the creation of a child after
this reasoning? Can anyone? Its certainly food for thought. Maybe i
should seek religion and delude myself into thinking there’s more to
death than becoming wormfood, but i don’t think I could maintain lying
to myself, let alone indoctrinate our kids into an obvious
misconception of an almighty!
Still, maybe if i won my suit
against my parents, I could leave the forthcoming children a nice
little nest egg… so that their kids, could sue THEM after discovering
Grand-Dads philosophical hypothetical prose on the net!