Ok… first things first, lets deal with the dead dad thing and then all the silly people wanting to get me in some way drawn into it will be suitably sated! Oddly enough I’d been out with E, watched an indifferent game by Arsenal (which we won), picked up a Bendy-Bar (whhooo hooo!) and some hand grip strengtheners, made a bunch of new mates, and generally had a good eve. Got back nicely merry, and wound up on skype with sis covering old ground re dad. Over the course of that, i was asked to confirm something via a text to mother, which I did, and then headed off to bed… which was nice. Next day I hear I’ve been “Texting mother all night”, which is, for want of better words, Bollocks! lol. However, this isn’t the first time i’ve been accused of things. I was once accused of having been threatening her, and she’d gone to the police about it, which turned out to be utter rubbish as 1: I was very obviously somewhere else at the time helping, curiously enough, a plod (oops bad timing mother) and 2: When said plod heard of this, contact with Crewe police was made, and upon offering to witness for me that i was indeed elsewhere, it transpired that no complaint had been made, and ergo mother made the whole thing up! Well bugger me backwards with a big handled fish fork… thats not like mother to be like that is it? Err… Is it? You decide!
I remember something Dad taught me many many years ago, with a thief you can lock or hide things up, but with a liar, you can never trust them. But hey, maybe I’m misjudging.. and she’s just mistaken, the same as she was when she dialed my asking for Steve… just after dad died? (see old blog for details!). Again.. I’ll have my conclusions, others can have theirs.
And that’s it really, re my involvement in the whole thing. I know about the content of the problems which are back at the forefront of the family discussions. I’ve known about it for years.. as have a few of my mates as it was discussed long ago. For myself, the bunch of family i’ve left behind in Crewe, or indeed the uk, hold no interest for me, with their bickering, shiteing on each other, or choosing to see what they want, rather than what’s there. I grew up early, learning when it came to it, I was best only relying on me. Not my problem. We’re all adults, Even a lot of my nephews and nieces are adults now. They’re all free to chose who they do and dont wish to speak to, and good on em! That’s what adulthood is about. Oh, that, and the consequences afterwards! Me.. I choose too! I live with those choices, and relish them. If I didn’t, I’d alter the situation! Its simple. Honestly, if none of my family ever spoke to me again, I could live with it. I grew out of needing a family many many years ago, back when I realised it wasn’t a viable survival trait in the environment I was in! Instead I choose to create a different environment, where the definition of the family I DO want to have, is available to me. Its interesting, how the word family, in such different situations, can indeed be spelt the same, allegedly mean the same according to the dictionary, yet in actuality be so completely opposite.
And so to now, here. The home is a work nearly completed. The language is a test, of my patience mostly, and of the waterproofing on the screen also! I’ve been offered a job, which as yet is something which needs to be explored (part time but ideal nonetheless) and told that, if I sling my name down elsewhere there’s a possibility of full time, complete with 2 peoples recommendations who already work there! There’s pubs with uk football on, Chicken (speckled hen to the heathen) in the fridge, and a woman, who seems to have accepted who I am with open arms. I am advancing, and content at the same time. What I do, I do because I want to, I’m not tied to anything ‘cept for giving that which I receive here, which is hardly a burden! lol. I smile a lot, laugh a lot, share me, and do what’s expected of me, which is to be exactly that. Me!
So yeah, things here are good. And to those who’s world isn’t as good and are reading this now, remember. We govern how we feel about ourselves through the choices we make. These choices affect others, yes, but ultimately it’s you who will live with them in the end. I’ve been in places in my life where I’ve not been able to make choices at all… and that’s grim, when you have no control at all over your own world, (I’ve seen a child my child die because of it), but when you do have choices, use them. I have, and I believe that, because I’ve always stuck by doing what I thought was right at the time, I can look at myself in the mirror, (possibly a little too often according to some people lol), and hold my head up.
Dad used to say something else too. He’d say he just wanted everyone to love each other. Me… I don’t. I’d rather people loved themselves. Then there would be none of the crap that flies about in families. No insecurities. There would be no need for them. And no need for others approval either. Nor annoyance / reaction at others disapproval. Just an acceptance as to that’s how other people perceive something which they view through different eyes. But there’s another difference I guess. I don’t wish it, I’d just rather it was that way. I am aware that sometimes people thrive on distortion, the ability to alter perceptions of others. If that’s how they get their kicks then so be it. It doesn’t affect me. I won’t allow it to. But who am I to wish others choose differently. For, at the end of the day, its up to the individual again, not only to love themselves, but also to choose how others affect them too.