Drink Anyone

There are only a few things these days which really manage to get me to think hard about the world, and what its coming to. Many’s the time i’ve written on my old Msn blog about injustices, curiosities, and general things of that ilk.

I was sat watching tv t’other day, as is my wont, and the tools on the tele were discussing the Uk’s alcohol culture. Binge Drinking, etc etc! I got to thinking! I have, in my time, worked in, or served in, probably closeto 20 bars. Up until recently, when uk laws changed.. you had to finish buying drinks at 11pm, and be out by twenty past… so then it was home or a club. What used to happen was simple… people came out with x amount to spend.. and spent it in the time available, so drinks were consumed quicker because of restrictions, where as now.. with the laws relaxed, people don’t have that pressure to “drink up quickly”, and so the £30/40 quid can last several hours more. People drink the same quantities, just over a longer period, which surely has to be better all ways round?

However, I then stumbled across an artical about a teacher being fired for telling kids Santa isn’t real. That seemed, a little curious, to say the least. The kids were 9 year olds. Personally it seemed a little odd that someone could loose their job for telling the truth.. and i sat and shook my head.

Then it hit me.. Santa, (an anagram of Satan incidentally, designed to detract from the religious aspect.. taking the Christ outta Christmas and all that), must be the biggest binge drinker in the world!  If you take into account time zones as he wings round the world with his female (only females have antlers at Christmas.. so Rudolph is an odd name, perhaps she’s trans gender?) reindeer pulling him along, and a world population of 6,525,170,264, which, if we divide that by 4 to accommodate the average household, gives us 1,631,292,566 houses to visit, all of which traditionally leave out a glass of sherry… spread out across the 39 time zones.. well… you can see where i’m going (which is more than what Mr Claus can after 2 mins of pressie dropping).
So… it’s hardly surprising the youth of today tends to drink a little, and make merry, although, in fairness, according to the gospels and the guy Christmas is supposed to be about, Jesus conjured 180 gallons of wine (thats 1440 pints!!) at a marriage, thats AFTER all the wine which was prepared beforehand had been drunk.. not just a 175ml measure per person I’ll wager!

So… simply ban Christmas, and all will become right with the world!


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