Well… Lets have a a run down of what dazzling delights have happened this year.
I should start really before New Year.. Xmas day.. a call from Jack in oz… left me in tears just as xmas day arriveed (12am). "Happy chrismas daddy"… first words i’d heard him speak!
So.. the year started with The Gifford.. left there at 5.30am Jan 1st, and plodded down the canal with Deb, pausing to chuckle at the heron which was eyeing us up like we were mad along the way.
I got engaged, for the first time in my life I went out n bought a ring for someone. Chuckles… When people said commited, maybe they were refering to thats what they think should be happening to me, rather than an expression of how i was re the relationship lol! Lots of plans made, uni, pubs, kids, marrying etc, met various family members with her.
March came, I found out i was gonna be a dad, and was then promptly told, no i wasnt, hit 32, and split up with Deb, moved to Telford and gained a legal address and job for the first time since having come back from Oz.
April.. and the abortion. Tore me apart. Worked through it… a few friends were my back up. I survived. Somehow.
Moved from Telford to Wellington in July due to loss of job… but managed to attain a bank account (1st time since 1999!!), and things progressed regarding getting me back in the system!
Ousted my daemons and went back to the Gifford. Took some doing. Faced her. Was welcomed back by everyone who understood what had gone on.
Hit sweden with Su… a new country, new experience, etc. Watched her prepare to move with her family, and slightly selfishly felt shitty that the only member of my family who’s ever actually presented the image of giving a damn was off and away.
Survived Debs due date. J’s birthday came and went. Cant believe he’s 4. Su moved eventually. Never said goodbye. I wish her well. It will be hard.
And so its now December. I look back, and think, i’ll be glad when new year arrives. Im now in a situation which is not dissimilar to what was happening at Julias. I again need an address, but at least i do have a bank account. But.. this is the last i do of looking backwards. Telford and Wellington seem massively insular, and this attitude is catchy. I wont get sucked in to the idea of staring at my past so much i cant see my future. Instead it will fuel me. There is much in front of me to look forward to. People to meet, places to go, new experiences.
This New Year I intend to remember. Lots has changed since i came back from oz, but almost everything besides the Deb abortion has been linked to the situation it left me in. That needs to change. To do that, i need to somehow establish ME again as an independant entity. I need a place of my own, or, if fate throws a relationship at me, then maybe not just of my own, but somewhere where i can live and work from legally.
I have high hopes actually. Im usually cynicAli orientated, but this time.. i dont know. Call it gut feeling. I have been saying for a while now that i feel like im on the edge of something.. I suspect, that just maybe.. the edge may well be traversed. One thing is certain. Im not afraid to jump!