Just sat n watched Scrubs for the afternoon. I think i’ve gotten past the fact that Deb used to call me Bambi lol Funny, that really used to hurt, each time i heard it on the box. Vaugely remember texting her sometime in April saying something of the ilk, "you’ve even somehow managed to ruin the only thing i really enjoy on Tv". Theres a Colin Hay song called Beautiful World thats featured on it that I like a lot. Its actually quite a sad song, but it makes me smile.
Had a good afternoon with Ju, albeit involving Lush.. which is otherwise known as the devils soap shop. How they get away with charging shed loads for sensory overload soaps, i dont know. However someone seems to like them lol. She brought me a couple of books, inc The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, which i’ve been interested in for a while.
Then under the instructions of Ju, went to the Haygate funded by Bot n Botfield (the quiz machine just cant cope with this boy’s general knowledge n spat out money to get rid of me quickly lol Watched a band rattle off a few songs, wound up Jenny a wee bit lol, n then landed in convo with Charlie again like last time i was there, which extended til late! Even got on the dance floor for first time since March and The Gifford.
Seems I’m slowly expelling the daemons i had. Thought about it alot on the way home. An hours walk at 4am gives a guy time for thinking.It also appears i’m making friends here. Or, at least being accepted. Was wierd talking with Charlie about a few things. Theres a lot of paralells.And her mates.. daft as me it woulf appear, which is a little worrying. Never a good night if you dont get a traffic cone springs to mind. Lmao!
I wish i knew whats round the corner. There’s people I want to still be within touching distance of. Had an email, basicaly explaining how someone felt. What it boiled down to was that they were feeling impotent.. Ie unable to do anything to make my situation better. I’ve felt that way for 4 years now, listening to how Jack is growing, becoming, and not being able to contribute. I felt that way at Ju’s, with her kids, where i wasnt the new dad, so couldnt push my points, and subsequently i’ve seen whats happened with her eldest. Im pleased the younger one seems to be learning from big brothers errors.
So, what happens to me? I’ve an IQ of 131 at last count. From a purely logistical point of view its a waste that this should end up not being utilised. To wind up on the streets is criminal! Yet it happens. The system isnt designed to deal with my situation, and no doubt many others like me, which is why we see so many people on the streets in our citys. But what can i do? Keep trying, keep fighting.
Puts me in mind of the Kate Bush n Peter Gabriel song. Dont Give Up.