Chuckles

Was told today that "Something not very nice" was said to have been
posted on my jolly blog. That doesnt narrow it down much, lol. I had to
sit n laugh. My reply was, as it has always been when regarding whats
put here, "not very nice = open to interpretation. People dont like
what i think.. they’re welcome not to read".

I dont think
people get the idea of these things, or at least they dont share MY
idea of what these pages are. I’m using this to stick my feelings and
thoughts down. They are my feelings. My thoughts. Nothing to do with
anyone else. If they have different opinions on things, thats fine, but
my thoughts are my own. Whats written isnt supposed to be nice. Its not
supposed to be pleasant to read. Its a reflection of how i feel about
things. I dont really see why i should water down my feelings so that
other people can be accepting of them, approve of them, etc.

See, familywise, i dont think i can ever remember anyone actually
asking me, "how do i feel", about anything. Im the baby of the bunch.
This unfortunatly seems to then mutate into i dont have feelings about
anything, or… i feel the same as X, Y, or Z in the family. But now,
on here, if family pass through, suddenly my feelings have a voice. And
it doesnt fit with how i "should" be feeling. Unlucky!

I grew up in an environment completely different to all of them, saw
things and felt things they have no comprehesion of. Hell, twice i
found Dad unconscious laid out on the floor before i was 15 n spent 4
years living with a mother who was praying nightly for forgiveness for
the abominations unto God which she had spawned through an adulterous
marriage! As i got older my world was completely different to theirs.

Nowadays i love the person i’ve become because of what i went through
when i was young. Its given me strength, understanding, the ability to
listen, and the skills to know that sometimes people just need an
outlet. I think the things i like most about myself are my principals.
Even if sometimes i end up worse off because of them, or that people
will look at me angrilly for standing up for what i believe in, i still
know i’ve done what i thought was right.

I’m true to myself, i dont ask approval for it. I’ve all the approval i
need. Its called my conscience. I’ll reiterate once more, if you dont
like what you see, don’t read it. Would you read a book in a series
which you didnt like the first 3 of? Would you buy chips from a chippy
where they’d been bad from the last 4 times? Exactly! This is my space.
My thoughts. Get used to it, or go elsewhere.

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