No sleep til hammersmith, or at least Sunday night!

Turned n tossed like a bad un last night. My stomach and general digestive system seems to be asking me a resounding "WHY?" regarding the sudden influx of fruit. I’ve not gone out of my way to attempt a detox via copius amounts of citrus but on the same score, while the chance is there to eat grapes n peaches rather than pies… kinda makes sense. Its just that my insides are rebelling, and as with any rebellion which is doomed to failure, its taken its impending expulsion into its own hands! Im sure you get the idea.

Iain is over next month. I wonder if my cash will be through then. Dad is apparently heading into a hospice but exactly what that means i dont know. Is it a specialised place for cancer sufferers, a place where they say "we’ve done all we can now lay back and wait", or just a normal old peoples place and his treatment (assuming he’s having any) is still ongoing at leighton?

Had another decent waffle to Glenda again. Shes so much more easy to chat with when shes working. lol… less stress i guess. I suppose i should really begin to plan my attack on getting back on my own two feet. Somehow, i need net access so as to stay in contact over there, so i guess that means some form of broadband connection. Shell says she has a futon so i can at least sleep and sit. I need to weigh up if i want to stay around here, head to Crewe where i know the world and his wife, or start somewhere random and fresh. I can work both here and Crewe, but if i were to go somewhere fresh, explaining my last 2 years situation to a prospective employer, and then asking them if i can have wages paid into an account which isnt mine… lol. They’ll think im a badly prepared illegal imigrant! I suspect its going to be a reasonably hard road to travel, but hey, whats new!

Also floating is the fact that i will soon have the cash to be able to go visit Jack, and it may be the last time i get this sort of money available for a very long time. Part of me says do it while you can.. (the same part that made me get on the plane last time, albeit now im not gonna be loosing close on 2 grand to do it) but another says, Jack is heading towards being 3. He’s never known his dad. Flying out and spending 2/3/4 weeks with him and then leaving may not be as good for him as the consistancy of me not being there. I know, he’s young, and would likely forget. Shame really that the money they gonna give me doesnt quite cover the amount needed to have in the bank for a working visa, or that’d alter everything.

I suppose i should get my own stuff sorted first. i need an address and bank account. I think i can maintain the amount i will get within the bank (give or take whats spent on stuff like the trip i’ve promised Julia) simply because once it comes i can then work without worry, as i could fund a place initially, and then earn like normal to pay bills etc while not dipping into whats left of compo. Ah.. who knows! Still… i can see a corner ahead of me. There are no road markings though, no indictation as to the angulation of the bend, nor indications as to what speed is best to approach it. But its there. its concrete. I’ll be making sure i dont make a mistake and not "see the side of the curb til its way to late" Singing…. lol Music’s great. You can find an analogy for everything!

First star on the left… then straight on til morning!


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