This Year

Vanishing quickly. Soon be May and still no joy on the compo. Waiting is crazy. Whats crazier is that its messing the world and his wife about for it to come thru. So i sit n fester. Staying reasonably bright n cheery becomes increasingly difficult as 2 years on return from Oz in limbo is quickly turning to 2 n a half. I feel for Julia being on the rough edge of me. She’s the first one to kop it when things get on top of me, though tis rare that i say much in anger these days. Shes been there when no-one else was, and still is. I owe her bigstyle but know just being here is causing her grief. What can i do?
So i sit n minesweep n solitaire til silly a.m. The time will come when my money comes thru, i know that, and hopefully i can rebuild me, but i know its gonna be a fight, and im not sure theres gonna be enough left of me to last the distance. I guess the figure will decide how much of a fight it will be. above 2grand and i’ll be fine, below, and i’ll be close to still remaining cabbaged. An address = a bank account. But an address requires enough money to fund it, until i get the account etc etc.
This goes on, and in Oz i hear Glenda will be moving back to New Z with Jack. Like everything else in his life, i dont even get the opportunity to offer thoughts and feelings. The world hasnt even noticed my vanishing from having some form of purpose, and the only ppl who give a damn get hurt by doing so. Is my work here done? I dont know, but as time passes i look to the future and just cant see where im going. I know life has twists and turns, but i need my windscreen cleaning before i can even begin to think about traversing any sharp corners.
Im not despondant, im just lost. I have no map, and no idea as to how much fuel i’ve got.
Still, least the constant gut rot seems to have gone for now. Cut the coffee and tea intake right down and resumed sit ups n press ups. Be impressed if i can get back in my old jeans, but i think at 31 maybe im doomed to remain 32/34 with a tiny set of hips! I blame dads ribs for mine, which i think cause the dodgy belly. Funny, Iain said hes ill recently, and from then on i’ve head all manner of stuff running thru what id have said at his funeral were i actually bothered about it. "We came close to not having anyone on the church door today, cos it was common knowledge dad couldn’t stand the sight of ppl greetin". Somehow i think only family would know greetin actually means crying. His philosophy of "I just wish everyone could love each other" i guess is kinda good. Not practical, which is the worlds fault, but theres no harm in pointing it out that it could be reality if ppl wanted that.
Pretty much anything can be reality if ppl want it enough. Now theres a thought of hope! Theres a lady whos sure all that glitters is gold.. and shes buying a stairway to heaven. Point her out.. i have a tracking device ready… just incase she makes it! lol
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